Letting Go

I've once again neglected my blog for a very long period of time.  I get stuck at a certain point with coming up with ideas that people reading the blog will enjoy.  In the process of concerning myself with what would be entertaining to an audience, I always lose sight of one important thing; what this blog could do for me.

In thinking about it, that proves to the true in a lot of aspects of my life.  I've always been concerned about whether or not a person likes me or if doing things to make others happy, while losing sight of who I want to be to be happy with myself. 

In ways, this isn't totally a bad thing.  It's lead me to a career path where I help others get the help they need to be happy with where they are in life.  It's also caused me to be introduced to people who have different perspectives then me, which has challenged my beliefs and allowed me to be understanding of other people's point of view.

However, I've found there is a down side to this. Perhaps a lot of this is connected with my anxiety and depression.  Being someone who grew up being bullied very significantly, it has been difficult to accept that I'm not perfect and will make mistakes.  I tend to roll my errors and flaws over and over in my mind and kick myself for doing things wrong. It's difficult for me to simply learn from my mistakes and move on.  Also, I struggle with positive criticism.  My mind tends to get stuck on hearing the negative side of a statement given to me instead of a million positive things wrapped up in that statement. 

I also tend to always assume that any kind of a transition is going to turn out negative instead of positive.  I have difficulties connecting to the positive aspects of change and how things could turn out OK.  Which leads me to my challenge for myself; even if it is a small one.  My goal is to dust off this blog, yet again, and use it to process things instead of rolling things over and over in my mind.  I am going to try to leave my worries here, for myself, and do my best to let them go.  I'm unsure if I'm always going to succeed.  Then again, that's part of the challenge.  To accept the fact that I won't always be perfect at everything, and to be OK with that fact.